Assumptions Create Resistance

If you want to remove resistance in your relationship with someone, whether it's business or personal life, here's something to keep in mind: 

Most people make the mistake of communicating through assumptions. 

And assumptions, even when they are accurate, create resistance in the other person.

If you tell someone "you are sad" or "why didn't you answer me?" or "you don't care", you have made a judgment about their internal state, their intentions or their actions. 

And people instinctively defend against assumptions. Even if the assumption are correct sometimes.

Being told what you are or what you did feels like a loss of control over your own narrative.

But when you say to someone "I observed that I didn't receive a response from you after my last message" everything changes. 

The other person will feel compelled to make you feel respected and seen.

"Oh, my bad!"

Now the dynamic has changed.

You are not telling them what they are or what they did. You are telling them what you see - that's it.

And that distinction completely changes how the other person receives it.

It also makes you almost impossible to argue with.

If you say "you are angry" the other person can say "no, I'm not!" and suddenly you are in a debate about their emotional state. 

But if you say "I observe that you look a bit frustrated." and STOP there, the other person will feel compelled to either open up or prove you otherwise without resistance created.

What you observe is rooted in truth. And truth can't really create anger in the other person, unless they have some type of mental issue.

Assumptions, on the other hand, are not facts but self-created opinions.

Tell people what you observe, not what you assume about them.